Be Positive is my life’s mantra. Well it is now that I have turned 50 something and want to make the very utmost of all I can get from this life. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy, and no I am not some super woman who has a perfect life and all working out as planned. In fact my life has been full of set backs and there will be more, of that I have no doubt.
I also contradict myself a lot, and this may not make any sense to anyone who doesn’t experience battles within, but to stay positive I daily fight my demons. I can be excited and buoyed up one moment only to find myself depressed and subdued the next, so if I put my rose-tinted glasses on, forgive me, but this seems to be my way of finding my positivity.
So, if you are still reading, I would like to share a rather impulsive trip I have made and why….
One of the most exhilarating holidays I have ever taken was to go skiing. It surprised me to be honest, as I was never one for exercise per se and loved nothing more than my two week holiday in the sun, with a daily swim being plenty enough for me! But, fate being what it is, after many years of my dad not being part of my life, he appeared at my door one day totally out of the blue. To make up for lost years, and in an effort to be reacquainted, he and his new wife wanted to treat my daughter and myself to a holiday – and that was to take us away to the beautiful ski resort of Montgenèvre. The breath-taking beauty of the snow covered mountains together with the nervous-excitement of the sport was addictive. It was also a perfect bonding experience for my dad and I to find we had something in common – we both loved this adrenaline sport. I have been fortunate to have experienced 3 ski holidays but the last time was over 14 years ago now.
Life being what it is, skiing was removed from my agenda.
I met my husband 12 years ago who introduced me to another adrenaline sport – motorbikes! I loved donning the leathers and riding pillion, going to British Superbikes and MotoGP – until that wasn’t enough and I did my CBT, passed my test and got my own R6 – yes, me at age 40 an adrenaline junkie! Even did track days!
Skiing and motorbiking to me felt similar, not just in the nervous-excitement and adrenaline, but the feel of the air against you and the very movement itself. We talked about going skiing but just never booked it. It’s one of my regrets. I would have loved to have shared this experience with him.
Then my whole life seemed to come to a halt as I suffered from unexplained chronic pain. Finally diagnosed 6 years ago with a chronic pain disability I sunk into depression. I grieved for all the activities I was no longer able to do – from a lay in the sun girl I had transformed into loving an active lifestyle, but never a gym bunny or workout person. The pain became so bad I had to give up my job in the City and move from our house to a bungalow as I could barely crawl up the stairs!
Countless hospital appointments, MRI’s, pain management, mindfulness the list goes on, not to be discussed here, but I had a sudden mind change where I did not want to let pain dictate my life. I didn’t want to keep grieving for what I couldn’t do anymore. I always kept a diary, re-read my entries, and didn’t like hearing my pessimistic voice. Researching my options, I finally came out of denial and accepted life had to change. I joined a yoga class, gentle and relaxing and met some wonderful people none of whom had to feel sorry for me.
Amazingly, although I wasn’t looking for yoga to “make me better”, I was just looking for something that I was capable of, as the weeks went by I started to feel better. Not just physically but mentally too. I still have bad days but I appreciate the good days so much more. I know as long as I listen to my body and don’t push it beyond it’s capabilities for any one day, I can do more than I ever thought possible.
So, back to the skiing. Well, my daughter said she and her partner wanted to go skiing for her birthday next year. They caught me on one of my rose-tinted glasses I can do anything kind of days. So no surprise I said to my husband “shall we go too?” I always regretted not sharing this experience with him and I am now so excited to be returning to the ski slopes.
I know I will ache, and I know I mustn’t over exert myself. Maybe just an hour a day for me, maybe I will only manage an hour on the first day and be so creased up I won’t be able to do anymore. Who knows? But I am going to “B+” I will continue with my strengthening exercises, I will have some “snowdome” trips and even if my skiing is only an hour, I will love that hour, as it will be more than nothing. I will love the atmosphere. I will enjoy being with my family. If need be I will smile and watch the others, and maybe just use my time to write in a beautiful inspiring setting. Fool hardy or opportunity grasper, maybe I am a bit of both – as always, but I believe we only regret the chances we don’t take. If you want to know the outcome, my adventure will be titled “Slippery Slopes ….”